New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
