Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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