"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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