my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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