theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
cat food counts as protein by the way
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
