Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
