nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
