my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
