Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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