So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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