..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he puts the penis in happiness.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize
