wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I need to sanitize my soul.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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