your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
