Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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