so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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