i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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