I am puke
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
