Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize