It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I want a musical about memes.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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