if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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