i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
