I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
