$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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