Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize