dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
