Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
