and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
