Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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