Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
