Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize