We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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