she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
