strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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