Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
In other news, I just burned my penis
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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