I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
