I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
