The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
