Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
