You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
