glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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