Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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