The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
