I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
They took my balls.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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