The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
