Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
