he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
