Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Randomize
