Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
