Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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