I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
