i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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