just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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