So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
