Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
