i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize