i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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