If i come over, it means nothing
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
