i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
