he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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