So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
