Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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