the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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