Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
