i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
