it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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