Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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