Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
